these shivers are crawling up my spine
down my throat and into my heart
I'm not quite sure if I am fine
if this is some strange fresh start

and my fingers are struggling
to grasp the meanings of those words
and this strange fear is surging
as I find myself trapped amongst the herds

and it turns out
that I dont know anything about anything
and Im trying so hard not to shout
because for some reason, Im finding it means everything

I'm standing here screaming
but you still cant see me
because you're asleep - you're dreaming
of a day where my face you wont see?

there is so much frustration
because you're love is much to easily lost
and I just cant stop chasing
but at what cost?

Finding the Moment

humming tunes and skipping by
Im so curious
so many things make me wonder why
and if it's serious

dancing around
like no one is there
I dream of those possibilites yet to be found
and the when and where

and I'm looking at you
and you're looking right back at me
can this feeling really be true
or just some moment that will soon flee

because you take my eyes
and I'm at ease
you chase away all those lies
and make this moment freeze

Jumping Off

i love the feel
of your hand holding mine
this new warmth i find in your eyes
it helps me heal

but so much in this world is temporary
and so, you may be too
but there is no use in being wary
when there is nothing to lose

and i'm finding out
that god has quite a sense of humor
and i bet he is up there laughing
at all of my self doubt

because we find ourselves
caught in a summer storm
and as we grab each other, and just run
run away
I feel those familar butterflies urging to take myself off the shelf
to try to find this once more

i'm sorry if i couldn't be
couldn't be good enough
but i am who i am, and that's more than you see
and through these years my skin has gotten pretty tough
but that doesn't mean you can never break through

And that puzzled look on your face
when you hear of my troubles just makes me laugh
because you swear that you're different, but I hear those words said in poor taste
but some how I'm disillusioned enough to think that maybe this will pass
that you'll be different

Because with all the good there is
it can still be such a cold world
and I'm told that i cant know anything about life, that I've hardly lived
but I've dealt with everything that comes my way, all that is hurled
and I've grown up fast, and maybe missed out on what I've always wanted most

I'm hoping that day will come
when it will all make sense and you will come stand by my side
and see everything that's been done
every time you lied
but i probably should stop wishing
because even if you were to one day know
am I even worth enough to you
would you even let it show?

I'm so sorry
that I couldn't help you
couldn't be there

and you tell me not to worry
even though its true
because my pain wouldn't be fair

but i find it so ironic
that when we see the fragilness of it all
we both praise and despise what is

and as you try to prove that you're not scared of it
into the cold realization I fall
and I cant help but think about when we were kids

now that I can see your pale face
frozen in that smile from when you knew a great secret
I just break down and cry

because somehow it seems you've finished this race
and all those times when we ran together I cant forget
all that love left burning inside not ready to die

just in case you forgot
I'm still standing right here
because you should know that some things dont stay secrtet
much to your fear
and you say were that close
but I can tell its a lie
because sometimes when you say the words so much
you forget you have to try
and you should already know that actions can scream
and when you keep making these same ones
then things just cant be how they seem
because you say that I'm worth it
you say "what are friends for"
but are you really gonna prove it
or just tell me once more
because being friends
means for more than just a day
you've gotta be there all the time
wether happy or grey
because if you dont mean it
then dont tell me some lie
and when I'm upset
dont wonder why

Before I Leave,

I'm seeing you
deep inside my mind
seeing that smile and look on your face
that's so easy to find
and I'm missing you
when I think of all you've done
and all we've been through

because one day you wont be here
or then again, maybe it's me
wont be there with all those laughs and cries
that magic that people can see

and I'm fighting
with all that pain that lies there now
that gaping burning wound
that we have mustered up some how

but I can hear you screaming
even though your lips never part
is it because just maybe somehow
I've wedged my way right into your heart?

because - I'm seeing you
if only in the past
cause I've got no other choice
than to make each moment last

I'm floating.
As i see all that has come to be now.
Like I'm watching everything that's happened from the other end of a camer lense.
And as i feel myself glide in and out of all these moments and all those memories,
I'm disconected in disbelief.
Because so much has happened,
And there is so much that still can be.
Sometimes I just forget what a twisted jigsaw puzzle my life is.
It's a wonder I make enough sense of it to get through the day.

Changes.

I'm rejected
as I lay here on my bedroom floor.
And yet my life hasn't passed as undetected
as I had once thought before.

And I'm just a replacement,
as I look at you now.
Just a filler line in that statement
that you had once already found.

But it turns out I'm still living
when for so long I swore I was dead.
Because somethings finally giving,
despite everything I had said.

And because I want to be loved,
as I stand there at the door.
And I find myself shoved,
into a world I have long been searching for.

And I just want to stay,
to be a part of your life now.
Please tell me if I may.
Can I find a way somehow?