Things I don't know.

Am. I. Good enough?

Writing is one of those professions that usually takes people years and years to get into. There's college, then MFA programs, then the actual getting published thing. Other people stumble upon it later in life because they realize they have stories to tell that need to be heard. But for some reason, I, Amanda Coats, 20 year old student, am compelled to believe that now is my time to sink or swim. To go big or go home. To get out of the kitchen if it turns out that mine is a cold dish.

And for the longest time that scared me beyond belief. Because, writing is the only thing that has ever really felt like it was mine. Like it defined me in all the ways that I didn't mind and none of the ways that I did.

And now, I'm just going for it. I'm holding my breath, and jumping in.

I went to this reading put on by other creative writing undergrads last week, and it was a bit of a wake up call.

What if know one likes what I have to write?
Oh my god how did that person come up with that that's amazing.
I take so long to edit I could never get something that polished.
All my ideas suuuuuuuuuck.


And as easy as it would be for me to just move on, to try something "practical" and make lots of money and study something that people find "useful", I can't. I just can't deny such a fundamental piece of myself. I have to do this.

And as much as I'm afraid of finding out that I'm not good enough, I have to try. I just have to.