Paint by numbers.

Sometimes, I become so utterly devoted to an idea that I frame my whole consciousness around it. Not purposely, of course. It's like when you read a really good book. While you're reading it you just can't help but see the rest of the "real world" through that vane. The shade of the narrative voice echos in your own, it casts a new kind of light on the things you see around you.

Of course, you eventually finish the book. Maybe the coloration lingers for a little while, but you eventually forget. The world reverts back to its old ways and the only voice you hear is your own (unless, you know, you're crazy). It's kind of like that with ideas, too. When I say that I am an idealist, I don't mean that I have this overly optimistic view of the world, because i don't. I am an idealist in that when an idea pops into my head I become attached to it. it colors my world just like a really good book does. The only difference is, that the loss of this new form of sight isn't mutual.

The idea of a book might turn away from you, but you also turn away from it. You close the book, put it on the shelf, and leave it for someone else to read. With ideas, it's never that simple, and I'm starting to feel some ideas I've held onto for the past couple of months pull away from me. They are siphoning their color from my world before I've remembered how to see in my own shades. And even if this reality is forcing my to kill the ideal of the idea, I just can't bring myself to kill the sentimentality associated with it. And I can't stand the idea that someday someone might pick it up and read it for themselves.

Puzzles

Just another one of my thoughts..

If you think about it, puzzles are a lot like people. Most of the time, we start with the edges. This is the basic framework for how we define ourselves and others (and, well, the puzzle) - hometown, occupation, family, likes and dislikes. The farther into the puzzle you get, the more important it is to find those connections. Sometimes pieces grow right from the last spot you worked on, a nice natural progression. Other times, you build chunks of the image, but it just sits there without place because you haven't built the foundation for it to sit in yet. Every now and then a color or an image will give away that all important players spot on the board, and with out much thought it gets filled in. This is easy. most of the time though, it's not. We spend so much time searching for the right pieces that will set our life up exactly the way we want, that we miss the pieces that are right in front of us. Or even still, we try to force those pieces into places where they don't belong, willing them to change form. The truth is, even if we've got the picture on the box to help us, the puzzle never turns out exactly as we plan. If we are lucky, we will be left with a beautiful picture and a sense of accomplishment. But sometimes we are left with one missing piece. That tiny little hole that is never really appreciated until the very end. That's probably the way most of our puzzles will end - with the missing obstacle or opportunity never conquered. But, the thing that so many people forget is that, even with that one little spot, it's still a damn pretty picture.

One Heck of a Noun

Tonight, at midnight, something crazy will happen - the end of a decade. Say it with me now: d e c a d e. Wow, what a word.

Being only 18, this is the first entire decade that I have seen come and go (although, having been born in 1991, it's really more of a technicality). I keep trying to think of these past ten years in the same way that I (and many others) think of those great decades past that I did not live through, like the 80s. What are the movies that people will tell their kids that they have to watch. What books from this era will they force their kids to read? What styles will we make fun of, and what will we say "if only we had seen that comming" for the years ahead?

And, perhaps the most important, what the heck are we going to call this decade?!?! The two thousands? Come on, we've got to be able to come up with something better than that.

All jokes aside, the end of a decade only occurs once in a blue moon - and since today happens to be both (yes, the last full moon of 2009 is also a "blue" one), I have come to the conclusion that today (and the new year to come) represents a new begining in so many more ways than just the annual "new year". It it a new decade. A new ten years with new chances and oppurtunities. It's no secret that 2009 has been both a difficult and assuredly significant year. But now we all have the chance at an especially special late christmas gift: a new start.

Just what we all need.

It's Just Hot Air

MEMORANDUM
TO: People everywhere
FROM: Little old me
RE: The Greatest thing since sliced bread?
DATE: November 7, 2009

We all get a big head every now and then-but you've always got to keep yourself in check. Remember, the best leaders are the ones who are willing to follow.

For the most part, I like to consider myself a friendly, confident person. And looking back at some of the things I have accomplished in my 18 years so far, it seems to fit the bill. Or at least it did. You see, usually when I get started with something, I stick it out for a very long time; but sometimes, it's easy to forget that the way I end things is never the way I begin them.

Another little tid-bit about me: if there is ever something that I decide I really do not want to happen/do, it always ends up happening. It sucks when it happens by chance, but it's even worse when I unintentionally make it happen. It's like my life is freaking Oedipus or something (well, with out the incest and far less killings, but you get the idea).

The truth is, throw me into a new situation, and I freeze - I'm talking full on ice block. It's not like I blow things out of proportion, I constantly remind myself that the worst case scenario is never really that bad. And yet there I'll be, acting like a blooming idiot because my brain got scared and decided to peace out.

It's truly something I hate about myself, but try as I might it remains a part of who I am.

So, should you ever come across me at some sort of function, and see me making a complete fool of myself, just chuck that impression out the window. Because I promise that (given the right circumstances) there could be nothing farther away from who I truely am.


Happy Blogging.

Today Is..

September 11, 2009.

8 years have gone by since the terrorist attack on the world trade center, when approximately 3,000 people lost their lives. That morning, September 11, 2001 is a day I will never forget.

And yet, in all truthfulness, I almost forgot that today was the anniversary of that event. It is (especially for a busy college student) so easy to just get in a pattern and go through the motions, that you don't think about little things like the date. So when I looked at my calendar yesterday, at first, I didn't believe it. But, after a blink or two I realized - today is that day.

It seems to me, that for those who were old enough to remember that day (and there are many who are just a year or two younger than me don't. But after all, I was only 9 when it happened) will never forget exactly what they were doing when they heard the news. I know I never will.

My mother was getting myself and the neighborhood kids who she took care of ready for school. I remember walking into the living room to ask her if she could do my hair, and seeing her and one of the other kids sitting staring at the TV. Just, staring. So, I stared too, and watched as the plane flew into the first tower, and it collapsed. And then the second tower. I also remember all of the different reactions people had. Some would cry, others display anger toward anyone, and anything they associated with the terrorist who had caused the attack. I just remember feeling numb. Constantly asking myself "Who would do this? Why?". When I realized that in launching their attack, the terrorist had also killed themselves, it only made me more confused. I was pretty smart for a nine year old, and even in my confusion, I still had one important question. One that no one else seemed to answer. "How does someone become so angry, or so sad, or whatever emotion it could possibly be, to do something like this? How could anyone reach that point?"

One of the best things I remember about that day, was what followed in the weeks and months after. Patriotic songs could be heard on every station, people pulled out the American flag, they started to help each other, care for each other. Love each other. I guess it's once again the beauty with the disaster. The yin with the yang.

If there is one hope that I have for the world, it is too remember those couple of months after September 11, 2001. To remember how we felt towards our neighbors, towards strangers. That kind of love and care is something that one should never loose. I realize that if someone were to read this from another country, it might sound like I am very much supporting America, and in a way I am. But, it's so much more than that. I hope that one day we wont just think of each other as American, Asian, Middle Eastern, etc. nor think of ourselves as Christians, or Jews, or Muslims. I hope that, one day, we will simply think of each other as friends, and stand up, as citizens of the world. As an "us", not a "them".

So, at the end of a day of remembering, lets promise to never forget.

Have you ever wondered...

...Why some times it seems like destruction begets beauty? See L.A. currently dealing with massive wild fires. See Mission Viejo. Far away enough to not worry about being in danger of said fire, yet close enough to see the effects it has on the sky. Vibrant with a distinct red and blue in the evening, a result from the ash in the air. It is so beautiful. This same idea can be true of the written word. How many beautiful songs and poems have been written out of pain and misery? There are even some like that on this site. Maybe it's just the world trying to even itself out, a yin and yang if you will. The beauty with the pain, the good with the bad.

Whatever it is, it's just something to think about.