We are not the geniuses, just the technicians.

One of the principle truths of human kind is that we are constantly searching for answers. Another truth is that every culture, ethnicity and religion has their own idea of what the "big questions" really are, and their own perspective on the solutions to these questions. With so many people focusing their energy on answers of the universe, God, true love, human purpose, and every other school of thought that can be found printed on an over priced notebook - we forget why we began searching in the first place. We treat all of these questions like a highly complex math equation (with many groups logically viewing it in their own terms), and regard the answers as a holy grail of power - just look at how many wars have been fought over which school of thought gets to write the book on human existence. But, at the heart of all these questions and answers is very simply, humanity. Our confused sense of self is something that can no more be transcribed onto paper than "true love" can be to some one who has never felt it, or the color red to someone who has never seen. But here is the kicker folks; the one last truth of human kind: we will always try. While we may never be able to find or agree on all of our most important questions (and maybe we are not meant to), it is a process that is unavoidably and undoubtedly human. All of us feel deep down somewhere that these questions are vital to our existence, and that the knowledge will bring us comfort and purpose. Really, the answers have nothing to do with it. It's the act of learning.

Puzzles

Just another one of my thoughts..

If you think about it, puzzles are a lot like people. Most of the time, we start with the edges. This is the basic framework for how we define ourselves and others (and, well, the puzzle) - hometown, occupation, family, likes and dislikes. The farther into the puzzle you get, the more important it is to find those connections. Sometimes pieces grow right from the last spot you worked on, a nice natural progression. Other times, you build chunks of the image, but it just sits there without place because you haven't built the foundation for it to sit in yet. Every now and then a color or an image will give away that all important players spot on the board, and with out much thought it gets filled in. This is easy. most of the time though, it's not. We spend so much time searching for the right pieces that will set our life up exactly the way we want, that we miss the pieces that are right in front of us. Or even still, we try to force those pieces into places where they don't belong, willing them to change form. The truth is, even if we've got the picture on the box to help us, the puzzle never turns out exactly as we plan. If we are lucky, we will be left with a beautiful picture and a sense of accomplishment. But sometimes we are left with one missing piece. That tiny little hole that is never really appreciated until the very end. That's probably the way most of our puzzles will end - with the missing obstacle or opportunity never conquered. But, the thing that so many people forget is that, even with that one little spot, it's still a damn pretty picture.

FIVE things

School's out! Finals are over! Summer! I'm free!!!!!!
- Wait, what? Summer semester starts Tuesday?.... Bummer.
For now, here are 5 things you never knew about me (and probably never cared much too either).

1. I cut corners. Literally, whenever I walk through the doorway, I pass by too close to the edge and end up walking into the wall. And yet, it surprises me every time. How's that for poor depth perception?

2. I really enjoy reading young adult novels (books that are targeted at middle school/high school students). I realize that these books aren't exactly aimed at a reader like me, but there is something kind of refreshing about being able to read a book and enjoy it on purely a surface level. It's not that I don't love complex books with symbolism and all that other stuff (or that young adult books can't include any of those things, because some do), but it's nice to just hear a story and not get lost in all of the other extra tidbits. I also especially love the books with adventure and super natural elements. I think this largely has to do with the fact that I am boring, and like to live vicariously through the characters.

3. The way I picture myself in my mind isn't even remotely close to the way I actually look in real life.

4. Have you ever considered the possibility that we all see colors differently? My green could be your purple (and so on). We would never know, because it is relatively impossible to describe colors. Sure, we could say "it's bright" or "it's dark", but with so many different shades of every color, those statements could apply to all of them. We would never know that other people see a different color, because everyone could still determine two things of the same color. It sounds weird, and for a while I thought it was just another of my crazy thoughts, but come on - it could totally work.

5. Whenever I'm in class and the teacher looks me in the eyes, I try my hardest not to look away. For some reason, I always feel like it is some kind of Jedi test - and it must be, because whenever I do this, the teacher just keeps staring right back. Then it gets uncomfortable, and either the teacher looks away first and I smile thinking "that's right, whose a ninja Jedi cool person", or I cant stand it any longer, and pretend like I had just zoned out and happened to be mentally asleep in the teacher's direction.

So, what are the 5 things no one knows about you?

you're here and then you're gone
but echo on and on
the words from your song
that we played and we sang and we dreamed

come to me please
are we ever free?
were you ever mine?
will you ever be?

with screams and choas
we are lost
no one ever knows the cost
of the life we're meant to live

you're here and then you're gone
but echo on and on
the words from your song
that we played and we sang and we dreamed

I could try to close my eyes
to the harshest claim of lies
that secret old thought cries
Why me? Why me?

come to me please
are we ever free?
were you ever mine?
and will you ever be?

Happiness

is a perfume you cannot pour onto others without getting a few drops on yourself.
~Emerson

I was going through my bookshelf today when a note card with this quote written on it fell out. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

Don't you love it when little things like that happen?

Steel Strings

Perfect memories
of everything we once lived;
bubbles painted red
by the harshest of whispers.

so funny
those places where we walked
when you had something to prove.
Oh those old ghosts-
they know how your face could make me stop.

Though time and road have ruined us
and you pretend it was all a dream
when you look this way I
can't help but hope things aren't what they seem

that you still miss it like I thought I miss you.


these words are etched on steel strings.

Hug Bucket

I have recently made a fantastic discovery, the hug bucket.

And this video should explain what a hug bucket is (if you don't want to watch the whole video, you can just fast forward to 1:06)


I love hugs. People who know me well know that I'm not a super touchy feely person. I have my bubble, and I don't like when people pop my bubble (although I do frequently pop other people bubbles. I'm difficult, aren't I?) But I love hugs - a lot.

So here is my hug bucket (so far):
-An astronaut
-Will Smith
-My "long lost" Italian relatives (even though they're not really lost. I've just never met them)
-Someone associated with the harry Potter books/movies
-my future children/grandchildren
-my "true love"
-a published writer and/or poet
-a cool indie-type musician
-a fellow blogger (who isn't a member of my family or my best friends. Sorry guys, you're already in the hug bucket)

The list is still a work in progress, but I'd love to know who is on your hug bucket list?

Trains are fun, and so are Soap Operas.

Sitting and looking out of a train window is kind of like watching a movie. On TV, significant, beautiful, and sad things all happen at an unrealistically fast pace, simply because they have a time slot to fill, and hey - things have to stay interesting. Just take any soap opera. In the span of a few short episodes people die, get married and divorced, have babies etc. etc.

In the real world things move much slower. While feelings and decisions may have a pivotal moment when things "change", these are still often the result of many actions and decisions building up over a long period of time. The funny thing about this is that, if you accept that many of our actions are the results of other actions - or even just our individual personalities - then nothing should surprise us. It should be easy to figure out who will fall in love with whom, or what the outcome of certain political events will be, but that's the thing - it never is. We are all so preoccupied with, well, everything, that we never really can focus on just one thing.

I've long felt that the answers are always right in front of us, we just don't know how to see them.

When you're on a train, things are going by fast - but not ridiculously so. You pass by a school, a soccer game, anything, and are given only a short amount of time to see and make of it what you will. But unlike soap operas, those people going on with their daily lives are under no obligation to be interesting, or special, or anything other than what they are. In this they are not crazy or unrealistic, they are simply human. So when you are riding by on a train, with the world passing in front of you, you are getting to watch the best movie ever made: the movie of life, minus all of the fuss.

I've included some photos from a recent train ride, I hope you enjoy.

Stress

I have been under an unimaginable amount of stress lately. Suddenly, all of my teachers have given me monstrous amounts of homework (I think I have written more essay in the past two weeks than I have in my entire life), not to mention I have been working a little bit more than usual. And, with the end of the semester approaching, registration for summer classes is coming up. I have been trying to make an appointment with a counselor to find out exactly what classes I need to take, but for some reason my i.d. number isn't registering in the online appointment maker-thing. So I call in, go on hold for 45 minutes to find out all the appointments for next week are full (appointments are made a week in advanced) and to call back in Monday.

This of course, leads to the "I'm not going to be able to register for the right classes! I'm going to mess up and be at community college for three years - not two! I'm never going to graduate! I'm destined to be a hobo!!!!!!!!".

Now, before you say anything, yes - I know I'm over reacting. But can you blame me?

OK. So maybe you can..

Luckily for me, today is my dad's birthday, and this Friday and Saturday I will be in a nice hotel room by the beach in San Diego. No work, no homework (hopefully).

I can't wait!

Rants about Cartoons, Twins.

Way back before Hannah Montana, in that time of classic Sunday morning cartoons known as the 90s, there was a little show called "Recess". Now, Recess never had the success of shows like "Hey Arnold", "Rugrats", or "Doug" (which I loved) but it was enjoyable enough.

There was one episode of Recess where the "gang" (the show followed a group of friends in elementary school) was playing in a kickball tournament against another school. When the other team showed up, they quickly noticed that each person had their counterpart from the other school - someone who looked and acted enough like the person for each of the characters to be a little freaked out. Now, obviously this is just some silly t.v. show, but it left my 7 year self thinking that I had a twin living in China.

So, whats my point??

What if we really do all have a twin out there? I'm sure we have all been in that situation where we are in the supermarket and think we see someone who looks like that one guy from that one place and start waving like a lunatic only to realize (too late) that we have never met the person before. But what if it goes even farther than that? Oscar Wilde said "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions and quotation." The idea that everything you think or feel has been thought and felt by someone else before isn't exactly a new one (although it's one that I'm sure many people disagree with), but if some of the things that we as human beings find the most important on an emotional level aren't at all unique, could you make the argument that we aren't at all unique on a physical level.

It sounds a little crazy, and the fact that today I'm running on 3 hours of sleep probably doesn't help this at all, but I still think that it is an interesting notion. After being surrounded by different groups of people in college than I was in high school, I am constantly seeing or meeting people who make me think dang, the are a lot like so and so. Heck, it seems like I can't even watch a YouTube video with out being reminded of someone I know.

If you're wondering if this post is supposed to mean that I actually believe that we all have a "twin" somewhere out there, it doesn't. Truthfully, while I find it an interesting topic to think about, it is also something I have a hard time wrapping my head around on a real, or even personal level. Is there another one of me out there? Am I unique at all? I would hate to think that I'm not.

Any opinions on this topic? I would love to hear your thoughts.