January 29, 2011

so, about an hour ago I got back from an impromptu study session at starbucks.

and they gave me a free scone.

not just any scone might I add, but a maple walnut scone.

Awesome.

Something tells me that this is directly correlated with the fact that I was wearing my amazing

new gryffindor scarf that my grandma made for me.

Life's a Beach

Sunday, January 23, 2011

"Quickie

If you want to be inspired today, pay attention to your senses and follow your gut.

Overview
Make sure that your life is beautiful today. Every aspect needs to work well with every other aspect, and your amazing energy can help to ensure it all flows. This, in turn, makes you more efficient and fulfilled."    -Yahoo horoscopes.

Quite possibly the first time my horoscope has ever actually made sense.

The Only Ring a Ding Time.

It's mid January, what is usually the one semblance of winter I ever get to see. Yet, not long after winter gets its frigged fingers gripped around the thermometer, spring comes creeping up out of the shadows.

*If you can guess where the title comes from, you win a gold star.

Bad Day

I hate that other people not doing their job falls back on me.

I hate that I have to explain to people what is going on, when I feel like I deserve an explanation too.

I hate that I feel the need to respond to every single email because I know no one else will.

I hate that this job makes me cry and it doesnt even have anything to do with the girls.

Today, my mom called me a hippie.

shirt and shoes from Salvation Army, Pants from Forever 21, Belt came attached to another purchase.

This is a Rant. But it has a point.

You cannot fake who you are. And I'm tired of people trying.

Let's face it, So Cal is full of pretenders.

So much of life is about trying out new things and experiences, finding out how they fit into our life, and allowing them to become a part of us if we so wish. But, so often I see people - friends - align themselves with a certain group or belief because of the outward effect it produces.

 It's like those rich kids from over the hill who always buy all of trendy clothes from Urban Outfitters, and wear them to make a statement or because it's "stylish" more than anything else, while I save up to afford one indulgence there because their clothes make me feel comfortable and confident and are a reflection of myself.

It's like the people who tell me they absolutely love T.S. Eliot, but only understand the words and not the meaning. They don't see all of the implications of what he is saying, the metaphor, the emotion and ache that comes from ripping a feeling out through your fingertips, and putting it into something that is creative and vague and wonderful.

It's like the people who join Greenpeace just because it means they have a cause, it's like the people who do something because they think it will get them a boyfriend or a girlfriend, it's like the people who do something just to stand out, and end up blending in.

So many things that we do are influenced by objects or desires that don't matter if there isn't happiness or honesty to go with them. Yes I shop at urban Outfitters and read Eliot and want to join the peace corps some day - but it is because failure to do these things would mean undercutting who I am and what I want from life, not the other way around. It would mean an ignorance of myself as a person. It would mean lying.

And no, I'm not saying that only rich kids shop at urban outfitters, or that I am the only one who can possibly understand Eliot, Poe, or any of those people. There are plenty of individuals dedicated to green peace, and plenty of people who stand out for the same reasons that I do all of the things I do. There is nothing wrong with doing any of this. I am just sad - worried - that so many people from my generation seem to sacrifice the right and ability to recognize who and why they are - and don't see that this true person is beautiful and good and enough. Why do so many people subscribe to someone else's aesthetic when their own is just so much more wonderful?

I am in no way exempt, no one is, but I keep it cornered to a small part of my existence. I try to.

Two Thousand and Ten: A blog post retrospective.

January: I remembered why I love Target, went of a night walk, and found a new staple for the blog playlist. I also chopped my extra long hair as I got ready for a new semester of college.

February: Spring caught up with us. This month I found myself utterly confused by the people around me and what motivates their decisions. While this discussion was originally written in the form of an essay, I decided to change the format to a vague poem to keep the situation anonymous in case the people who it was about happened to read this. Maybe some day I'll post the original, maybe I wont. I also had an amazing day.

March: I tested out my photoshop skills and experimented with poetry I had an "adventure" and confessed a "secret", resulting in two of my most visited blog posts. With spring in full swing, I was glad to enjoy more of the usual.

April: I went on a philosophical rant about cartoons that made absolutely no sense. I also took a trip and received a few hugs.

May: I wrote one of my personal favorite poems of the year, as well as one that I can't help but read (in hindsight) to the tune of a coldplay song. I also enjoyed puzzles, and told you all a little more about myself.

June: While I should have been enjoying summer, I was busy (not) enjoying two other things: work and school. On of which inspired frustration, the other - oddly enough - inspired inspired an interesting thought while on break.

July: I tried and failed at poetry slamming.

August: Back to school. I had some struggles with language, went whale watching, and found a new in-class distraction.

September: I had a couple of conflicts with friends, leaving me feeling what can only be described as disillusioned. I recounted one of the most unusual and personally shocking conflicts of the year here, against my better judgement.

October: My favorite month, when fall is in full swing. October left me dealing with even more uncertainty and making some big decisions.

November: November left me feeling the effects of some of my decisions. It also brought more worries.

December: The long fight to the end of the semester comes to an end. It's break. Finally, FINALLY, I can breathe.. At least until spring semester.

The highlighted words are links to the posts from each month that I best feel sum up what I was going through at the time. The process of writing this post has really shed light on everything I have been through in 2010. A big part of me wants to automatically write this year off as a failure, but I'm slowly proving to myself what I HAVE managed to accomplish. I feel like this year, I've really begun to actually fight for the things I want and believe. I have gotten into - even started - a lot of arguments this year not because I wanted a fight, but because I saw that something wasn't right, a double standard, or felt like I was being taken advantage of. I'm trying to think of 2010 as a building year - not necessarily one I will remember in detail, but one that will make the memorable years possible.

So from someone who's always looking to the future, here's to the past.

Vintage Photos

I've always loved old photographs, and how the allow you to imagine the kind of lives the people in them led. Were these people friends? Family? Was that one of their fondest memories? Or just another day lost to time?

 


I bought these at the local flea market, and already have some plans in mind for them...

Magnet Poetry - 1/2/11

By yours truely.