Sunday, July 12, 2009

Autobiography, Part 1.

"They say that roads go to everywhere. That isn't true. Roads are just there, it is we that do the moving." ~Twilight Zone

I'm finding this to be more and more true everyday. There is a lot that most people don't know about me, not that I'm shy or that people just don't care (although I'm sure there are a few of those), but because, I'm a really complicated person. I know that's the kind of thing that a lot of people say. "I'm deep, I have scars", fill in the blank.. And, that's not to say that these people aren't, don't. But sometimes, the most complex people are the ones you never expect. There are a few people, and I mean a few, who really know what's going down deep inside of me. I'll never forget when one of these Friends told me about a bet that someone had made with her that he could figure me out in a week. We shared a good laugh, and at the end of the week, all he had to say is "She's one tough cookie to crack". And, I am pretty tough. I've had to be, or at least, I thought I did. When I was little, and was so shy, so self conscious, but always trying my hardest to never let any of that out. Anyone who knows me from then knows just how much I've changed. But that's just one part of me, one facet of the whole being. I'm a dreamer, and not just in the usual sense. I go through every possible scenario in my head, with out even trying or wanting to. I'll imagine every 'what if', see my life story before me - one for every direction I wish I could go. Fate is a funny thing. But then, that's just it.. Anyone who has talked with me on the subject knows that I believe in fate, that it's always lying at the end of the road. But then again, we're the ones doing the traveling, not the road. I don't know what is going to happen today or tomorrow. I don't know if I'll die next week, get married and have kids, heck, I don't even know what I'm having for dinner. And while I could imagine every possible outcome, it really doesn't matter. Things are never the same in your head and your heart as they are in the real world. Usually they're worse, sometimes they're better. But they are what you make of them. So when you are strolling down the road of life, and you come to the fork, with two paths ahead of you, all you can really do is close your eyes,lift up your foot, and start moving. Hoping, that you are taking the right way. This is something I struggle with a lot. You can think if you like that you are destined to end up in one place, and that fate will meet you at the end of the road, but it might not always be there along the side. It's up to you, and you faith in everything, that you will make the journey.

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